Sadly, with our first daughter it didn’t occur to me till her Senior year of high school, but I realized that one very important option was left out of my daughter’s array of choices for after high school career choices.
The idea of motherhood was never once mentioned as a possibility. The recommended path is of course finish high school, go on to college and then on to your career and live happily ever after. What about children? Why aren’t children in that
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path? Why is the thought of, a plan for having children not in the equation?So in my daughter’s senior year we began talks about what life after college could look like. Most woman want children at some point. We talked about how that might look in her plan.
Did she want to work and have children? Did she want to be a stay at home mom? Did she want to work part time?
I know you are thinking how in the world would an 18 year old know what she wants. She didn’t completely answer those questions of course but it did get her mind thinking about the options and that was my goal. How many of us wish that we would have thought about these things a little sooner that 2 months before our first child is born or worse yet the last 2 weeks of your maternity leave?Now she is able to think about jobs that will work well with a family, careers that she can do from home or part time when needed. It has even made her think about children and her relationship with a future husband, and what that may look like.
Hopefully those of you with future Mommies in your home, will prepare them with the knowledge that you have about being a mom and what it takes and the sacrifices that you very willing make for her.Jeannie
I LOVE this post!! Not many think of such things, but after I graduated, all I wanted to do was be a mommy and wife. I just couldn't see myself doing anything else-nothing else seemed to give me that "spark".
ReplyDeleteI think it's amazing that you talked to your daughter about this! I will definitely begin early with letting my little one know she has MORE options after school!
I chose to go to college because I knew I was more likely to be able to support my family in case of an emergency if I did, because I love to learn and be around other learners (I am an audio-visual extrovert, and I do much better in a classroom setting than online learning settings or correspondence), and because I knew I was much more likely to meet a godly spouse at my Christian undergrad institution than in my small town, or even living at home in the bigger city we ended up moving to right after I graduated.
ReplyDeleteSince I didn't meet a godly spouse in college I decided to go to grad school too, and now have a degree in something I LOVE (and got a full ride, so I didn't much extra debt to myself to do it). I still hope to marry and have a family of my own but I've never had a good Christian guy express even the slightest interest in me to this point - so I'm glad I went to school and learned things that now allow me to have a career I enjoy, where I can serve others AND earn a good salary.
That said, I do have some student loan debt that I am working hard to pay off, and that is something I have to consider if I ever am so lucky as to get married. My current plan is to live off of just my spouse's salary for our first couple years, so we get used to living on one income, and to use my salary to pay off as much of our debt as possible. In this way we will be more financially prepared for me to be able to stay home if we have children (I plan to, but know God may have other plans) . . . and I still have my master's degree in case of an unforseen trial where I need to work for whatever reason (such as the loss of a spouse).
I am the first to say that kids don't NEED college, it can strap you with a lot of debt if you're just doing it because it's what you're "supposed" to do after high school. And I'd advise any kids truly interested in college to really keep in mind the debt burden they take on and the career field they are choosing. Really, just trying to teach kids to be good decision makers all around. And definitely for girls who wish to become wives and mothers to consider how college may or may not effect that desire.
For me college and graduate school were absolutely the right choice and I don't think being a smart and well-educated woman has hindered my chances of getting married and being a stay at home mom at all. But every individuals circumstances are different. I think we should encourage our daughters to consider all of their options with wisdom - rather than encourage them strictly in one way or the other in regards to post-high school education.
I loved this post. No one ever counseled me on being a mother or having children. I was smart so everyone just assumed that I would go to college and have a career. I have loved being a teacher for 15 years, but I wished I would have taken off more time with my own children. I am lucky to work at their school and get off anyday they are off. So for thank I am truly thankful and know that I am blessed. My daughter is only 8, but in time, I know I will discuss it openly with her.
ReplyDeleteHi Jeannie, I’m Anne from Life on the Funny Farm (http://annesfunnyfarm.blogspot.com), and I’m visiting from Fresh Eggs Daily.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea. I've got three girls, and you know I honestly never thought about a conversation like this. I have no idea why. But now I will talk to them to get them to start adding this into their career calculations!
Anyway, thanks for posting this. If you’ve never visited yet, I hope you can pop by my blog sometime to say hi…